Its one life, make it large

I am a big girl. Literally and Figuratively. That means, everyone who sees me has an opinion or a question about my size, my eating habits, my should-be diet, my exercise plan and in my pre-wedding days, who my husband can be, because he is also, Lo and Behold, Fat.

Over a period of time, I have kinda gotten used to these well-meaning (?) people conferring their unsolicited advice. Or so I think, until someone comes along and makes another one of those comments, which sometimes infuriate me, sometimes amuse me and sometime thoroughly exasperate me. Most of time it’s a combination of two or all of the above.

Now, if you are fat, and want to become thin or if you are fat, don’t care either way, you will understand the below statements.

  • People on the road, who wear these weird badges “LOSE WEIGHT NOW and ASK ME HOW” or carrying little pamphlets that promises wonder drug for weight loss, think you are a beacon in the dark and find you somehow. They manage to thrust a pamphlet at you in traffic light, crowded buses or any family vacation.
  • Your eating habits are everyone’s concern – You will see your friends frowning at an occasional chocolate or a piece of paneer. Of course Aloo is a taboo word and its blasphemy to enjoy pizzas. Hey, you are fat remember??
  • You will get exercise and fitness regimen tips from everyone – You will be surprised, your neighbourhood granny can suggest you to visit VLCC or some such slimming centers, while your friend suggests Yoga, and of course there is gym and power yoga and astanga yoga and pilates and aerobics and water aerobics and whew
  • Slimming secrets – weird ones that will make you want to throw up the moment you hear them – like drinking cow’s urine every morning. Then there are some sure-fire ways to lose weight, like soak fenugreek seeds and drink water in the morning, No No, you must try honey and warm water, actually no that doest work, you must have this Japanese technique of having 4 litres of water every morning in 15 mins.
  • People who find you CUTE – The most irritating of all. They marvel at your stubby fingers, calling them cute. They want to pinch your cheeks, because, you are sooooo cute. They want to slap your arms, its so cute. Now these are the people I find most annoying, while I smile politely at them, I am devising torture methods in my dreams.
  • People who want to know what you eat – If tall girls hear “ Hows the weather up there” every two days, fat girls hear “What DO you eat?”
  • Aunties and Grand mommies in the family make it their business to look for a Fat Boy for you, if you are still not married. I have lost count of how many times I have heard “He is the perfect Boy for her, because he is also fat”. True, that’s the only compatibility factor. (But the truth is Fat Girls DO.NOT.WANT.TO.MARRY.FAT.BOYS and I am sure it’s the same other way round)

 Okay, That’s all I can remember off the top of my head. All you other plus sized girls, anything I have missed?

 I was feeling quite bad about being fat, till one of darling friends told me that, fat girls are fat, because they need more place for their big hearts and bigger brains..So, if you are plus sized, More Power To You Girl.

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